bs. my new laptop doesn't have a farsi keyboard and this is like the thousandth sign that i should just give up on persian literature and writing so i guess i give up. .. but then again i guess it's good enough that i haven't given up on this blog yet which is weird.
i just sit here staring at the keyboard because i don't know what to write. because there are a million things going on in my mind and i don't know which one to write about. i chose not writing about any of them but that didn't work out so well.
i stare at this keyboard because i don't know this keyboard. i don't know anything and i'm so fucking terrified of getting lost and maybe i'm already lost. i know i might be lost because i don't know my life anymore like i don't know this keyboard.
things change . things change differently for different people. sometimes they change regardless of the fact that you're trying to catch up to them. sometimes they just change inconsistently. and i don't know about the other times but i know that things do change. all i know is that things change so much from good to bad and bad to good that you shouldn't depend on any of that.
all i know is that things change so fast that i'm sitting here staring at the wall asking myself "what the hell happened" when it feels like only one minute ago i was holding her hand walking in Jolfa. all i know is things change. one day you're getting all the shitty life of yours behind you and starting to believe in happiness and hope again eating cheeseburgers with paq while watching friends and the next day you're on the other side of the globe, staring at her picture wondering. one day she's running around city center to buy you a pair of socks while you're waiting for her and before you know it you're sitting on the ground in the middle kohl's crying your eyes out whispering "how could i leave her" .
all i know is that things change and things suck.
and that is all i know.